Spring Equinox

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Love is not what you say,
It is an action.
You show it; feel  it
Spend your whole life proving it. 

It was not love,
When you manipulated my insecurities,
Shared my secrets;
You made me fear my own
and thoughts.

You played on abandonment,
Hung it by my eyes
Making me compromise
My beliefs, my views
      - to keep you.

The constant abuse,
I was subdued 
Trapped in your car,
Not knowing what I could say, 
or do. 
      - My body shaking,
         anxious confusion
         depressing solitude. 

'I'm done'
Your words echoed,
Rapidly in my mind, on a sped up loop,
Quicker than my panicked pulse. 
'I'm done' - with you; - with who you are.

I don't need you. 
I have better.
You are beneath them all.
You are not enough. 

* * * 
As I stare at my mirror, 
Looking for flaws,
Searching the surface,
Searching for depth.

You're inside my head
   - You're okay, I guess
   - You're decent
   - You'll never be as good as...
   - You're not as cool as...
You are not enough. 

I wanted you back
for you to come running
as you once did.
'I need you' - like a broken record;
                on repeat
                you muted me. ​
Trouble came
My arms were ready,
A battle I'd happily fight with you
     --fight for you

You said goodbye,
but not to my face, to a screen 
You said that you loved me, 
but you were fed up.
I am a battle not worth fighting. 

So I closed my eyes
buried the rotting pieces 
and slept. I slept and woke
to a Spring Equinox
       - change has now come,
          a rebirth of light
          this eternal battle,
          today has been won
but not against you, for me. 

I did not lose my will to fight
but rather, won the battle within.

Love is not what you say,
It is an action,
You show it; you feel it,
Spend your whole life trying to prove it.
                                            ... And you didn't.